Smoking Wheels
Smokey tires cause disturbance at the LaCrosse, Wis., Municipal Airport.
Forty passengers aboard Norwest Airlines’ flight 428 from Minneapolis to Wisconsin were evacuated after a landing tower employee spotted smoke near the jet’s wheels. The cause of the smoke is yet to be discovered.
Missing Boy
Once lost, but not he’s found. A 7-year-old boy returned home after missing for three years.
Neighbors reported the missing boy after recognizing his picture, which was displayed after the TV showing of Adam: His Song Continues. Police arrested the boy’s mother, Ellen Conner, who faces charges of kidnapping and interference with a custody warrant
Monday, September 17, 2007
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3 comments:
You should do well in the broadcast segment, but that headline-style intro sentence isn't working for me here. You've also misspelled the name of the airline, which counts as a fact error.
Just play it straight as a hard news, summary lead:
Forty passengers were evacuated from a plane at the LaCrosse, Wis., Municipal Airport yesterday after a landing tower employee spotted smoke near the jet’s wheels.
Now, I'd like to see you try it on the "missing boy" story, which has the same problem.
A 7-year-old boy was found Monday night in Brick Township, N.J. after he'd been mission for three years.
After recognizing the child's picture when it was shown after the movie Adam: The Song Continues, neighbors called the police. The boy's mother, Ellen Lynn Conner, 27, was arrested and faces charges of kidnapping and interference with a custody warrant.
Much better!
Just switch around the long introductory clause in P2: Neighbors called the police after recognizing the child's picture when it was shown after the movie Adam: The Song Continues.
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